Machine

There are a few things a teacher can tell a first grader about themselves that will be met with frank disbelief:
If you don't live at school, where do you live?
You really can't afford to buy us anything better than Fun Dip for our birthdays?
You eat meals, too?!
You weren't ever in first grade, Mrs. Plant!
Somehow in their minds teachers are something stationary, not quite human, placed within the school just for the students' benefit with no other life to live.  They don't see us as they see other people who have families, go out, shop, see movies, have pets, and eat dinner. We are but solitary teaching machines.

Back when I was student teaching, my mom came to meet my class.  I didn't give them any warning, wanted it to be a surprise.  When she walked through the door all heads turned in her direction.  They were excited about this mysterious stranger (maybe she had candy or something!).  I walked over, put my arm around her and said, "Class, this is my mommy!"  This announcement was met with murmurs, whispers, and blank stares.  Then Gavin, a small outspoken redhead, placed his hands on his hips as he looked from me to my mom, back to me, back to my mom, and back to me again before accusing, "You never told me you had a mother!"

Over the years I've concluded that it's better to give the kids a bit of background information early on in the school year.  I talk about my husband, my family, my dog, my house, and the things I enjoy doing now and enjoyed when I was their age.  Initially, every year brings the same mumblings of disbelief, little chuckles as if to say "There she goes again, trying to trick us into believing she's normal!"  But I've found if I keep at it, they eventually believe, seeing me less as a machine and more as part human-part machine.  I take what I can get.

Sequencing

Today we talked about sequencing and the importance of giving directions or summarizing stories in the correct order.  To gain a better understanding of sequencing, the students were asked to boil a familiar activity down to four easy steps.  As always, I have left the spelling intact for the charm-factor.  Read carefully - you may just learn a thing or two.

How to plant a flower
First, you bey a flower and get drte.
Second, you get a pot.
Third, you put soil in the pot and wotr too.
Fourth, and then you let the sun do the rest.

Ahh, that magical sun!

How to spell the word dot
First, you get a pesel.
Second, you write a "d".
Third, you write a "o".
Fourth, then last you write a "t" then your don.

I know.  It's difficult to take in all those instructions at once.

How to milk a cow
First, you grab a bucket.
Second, you grab a stool.
Third, you find a cow.
Fourth, you put the bucet under the cow and sqees the cow.

The only thing that's unclear here is where to squeeze.

How to take a shower
First, you get undressed.
Second, hop in the shower and get your hair wet.
Third, you put shapoo in your hair and condishiner and put soap on your body.
Fourth, wash your hair and hop out but dry your hair and get dressst and walk away.

Seems to be a lot of hopping involved in taking a shower.

How to watch a movie
First, you chose a movie.
Second, you pute in the movie.
Third, you push all the buttons.
Fourth, then you watch the movie.

I'm not sure it's advisable to push all the buttons, but it must work for her.

How to make someting disupier
First, get a bunch of dinomite.
Second, and then get a mach and light it.
Third, and then throw it at the thig you want to disapier.
Fourth, the only problum is it'l never come back.

Do you really want it to come back if you're trying to make it disappear?

Some days I learn more than my students do.

War

Generally speaking, it's an overwhelmingly simple task to determine whether a first grader is telling the truth or not.  For the most part they are not good liars and it's quite comical how surprised they are when you call their bluff without much information at all.  You can see it in their faces, "How could she possibly have known that I didn't go to China last night?"  Then they backtrack and say something convincing like, "I know, I was just kidding - I didn't really go to China." But there are a select few who tell the lie and embrace it shamelessly.

As Michael and I were walking down the hall together, out of the blue he said, "My Grandpa is in the war." 
This alone made me chuckle because there was nothing previous to this statement that would have lead one to think about war, but I responded, "You mean he was in a war?"  I thought perhaps WWII since I know his grandpa is an older man.
"No." he said adamantly, "He went yesterday."  Of course he did.  At this point I may have accidentally rolled my eyes just a little.  But before I could call him on his lie, he looked toward the ground, shook his head, and with all the seriousness a seven year-old can muster he said, "I sure hope they win."

I just couldn't bring myself to ruin his earnest moment, so I just shook my head, too, and said, "So do I, Michael.  So do I."

Put-Ups

We work hard on giving put-ups rather than put-downs at our school. 


I think we're making some real progress.

Aloha

Ah, to be young and innocent again; when my parents bought my clothes, did the grocery shopping, cooking, and laundry, mowed the lawn, washed the car, fixed light bulbs, paid the bills, and took me on vacations (I was expected to dust and clean my room, however, so it wasn't all fun and games).  And I never stopped to wonder how they made it all happen - just accepted it, expected it, and rarely said thanks for it.  Only now do I understand that molding my world into the comfortable place it was must not have been easy.

These realizations make it easier for me to understand why Jaylynn would, in all seriousness, ask when the first graders would be going to Hawaii.

It was our fault.  We confused her.  The day before, as we prepared to teach the first graders Ulili e, a Hawaiian dance, we asked excitedly, "Are you all ready to travel to Hawaii?!"  Not surprisingly, the answer was an enthusiastic, "YEAH!" 

In our defense, following our kind offer we did explain that the traveling would be done in our imaginations, but Jaylynn must already have skipped ahead to imagining what she would pack for the trip and how she would break it to Mom and Dad that she would be gone for a few days.

"Oh, Jaylynn," I said in a regretful tone, tinged with the tiniest hint of laughter, "We were just imagining that we were traveling to Hawaii.  We aren't actually going there, sweetheart."  Judging by the look on her face, she clearly did not understand.  We had, after all, gone to the Children's Museum not two weeks before. 

It seems ironic, somehow, that we cannot appreciate the beauty of our innocence until it is behind us.  I guess that's what kids are for.  To remind us what we used to have and can no longer enjoy because it's gone.  You gotta love 'em. 

Live Animals

Before I tell this story, you must first understand that a first grader's sense of humor is still in its most primary of stages.  "Funny" at this age includes goofy faces, obnoxious noises, and confusing jokes like this one:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Shiny whale.
Shiny whale who?
Shiny whale wants to eat your pants!

It is terribly difficult to affect a believable laugh after this kind of amateur humor - if one can consider these things humor.  So, with this glimpse into the mind of a first grader, read on...

A field trip was scheduled for the next day.  Our principal had given us an official list of bus safety guidelines and rules to discuss with our students.  The list included the following:

Pupils must remain seated while the bus is in motion. 
Pupils are not to extend their hands, arms, or heads through bus windows. 
Loud, vulgar or abusive language or behavior is prohibited. 
Pupils must not open or close windows without permission of the driver.
Pupils must keep the bus clean and refrain from damaging it.

The possibilities for humor within this list were endless.  Just the fact that they chose the word "pupil" was enough for me; however, the students would not have understood, so I kept my comments to myself. 

The last rule was:

No item will be carried on the bus which could create a hazard to any passenger including, but not limited to: live animals, skis, skateboards, glass objects, etc.

In an attempt at making the students laugh I said in my most dramatic voice, which you have to use so they know you're being funny, "Bummer!  We can't bring our live animals on the field trip!"

Without so much as a skipped beat, Hayley responded with,  "Can we bring our dead ones?"

Touché, Hayley.  Touché.

When I Am Old

Every year the first graders read a story entitled When I Am Old With You.  The young boy in the story is telling his Grandaddy all the things they will do when they're old together; go fishing, ride a tractor, play cards, visit the ocean.  It's a heart warmer.  To get the kids more involved with the story, at the end of the week we celebrate Grandparents' Day.  Students invite their grandparents to come to our school, listen to them read the story, and share a cookie.  During the week, the students work on a card to give their grandparent while they are together.  Apparently this student was the only one who realized that "being old with" his grandpa was somewhat of an unlikely sentiment.  I'm hoping the grandpa who received the card below is not only healthy in body and mind, but has a healthy sense of humor as well.